DISCLAIMER!!!
A little background -
I'm a big city girl brought up in a small town. I had the privilege of being raised by two of the most open minded, random people on the planet and I'm SO SO glad they found each other. Due to their innately contrasting personalities, mine has shaped up to be quite an odd one by most people's standards. My sense of humor is crude, my laugh is huge, and my modesty is...nonexistent. I've never considered myself a fashionista by any means, so this is not a blog about fashion. This is a blog of random musings of every day things/sightings that most ignore for fear of feeling judgmental. Don't worry, love - I got your back. I will gladly reserve my place in Hell by saying exactly what you're thinking.
The title of my blog is "No, Heffa". To most of you, that may not make sense because you're not quite sure what a "heffa" really is. During my short time in college, I met one of my closest friends...my sister...a Miss Monica. She introduced me to the word "heffa" -- as far as I've gathered, since the Queen never reveals her secrets, a heffa is a girl who has done something outrageously not okay. In context, if a girl says "Girl, please..." it can be replaced with "Heffa, please..." -- hopefully that makes sense. It is in no way referring to a woman as a cow, a heffer, or discriminating in any way against age, race, size, sexual orientation, or religious affiliation.
One more thing - I'm crude. I have no filter and this may not be KID APPROVED. So beware...
Let us...begin:
No, heffa...you should NOT wear white boots with fur around the top in the middle of winter. Don't get me wrong, a cute pair of fashionable boots goes a long way with our Kansas weather. However, WHITE...there's a reason you see not ONE other person in the classy Wal-Mart parking lot wearing WHITE shoes (unless they are tennis shoes, which somehow have some by to the rule): IT'S NOT CLASSY. It looks cheap. FUR...babygirl..Ima need you to not want to be a stripper when you grow up. Have you ever watched one of those Friday night Cinemax (Skinemax) soft core porns? I know most people watch them for the sex (which is ultimately intensely lame in comparison to the interwebs lovely selection) but I get bored with the sex and start judging the acting and the wardrobe. It really says a lot of the budget for such films. I digress...check out the girls. They dress like whores on a corner. White fur boots and all. Is that the impression you want to give off whilst walking with your semi-attractive boyfriend/husband/thing? I bet it isn't. I say this: take those boots out into the country. Take them for a drive. To some remote field in the middle of Kansas. (Can't be TOO hard to find, yeah?) Take them into the middle of that field. Throw gasoline all over them, so they smell nice and nasty. Then...take that lit cigarette out of your mouth and throw it. And watch...those motherfuckers...burn. Then, drive back into town to your nearest Target (or a store of your choice). Spend some money ($20 at K-Mart, I know this for a fact) on some classy...wearable...black...sleek...boots. Super cute, super in, super stylish and NO ONE will judge you. Even I won't judge you. Because giiiirrrrrrl them boots are cuuuuute! :)
Now that I've gotten that out of my system (Thank goodness) I'm off to rehearsal! Happy reading!
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